I'm still standing
by shards-of-darkness
Summary: After Katniss blew up the arena, Johanna and several other tributes were taken and tortured by the Capitol. When Johanna is finally rescued and brought to District 13, she finds herself in more emotional situations. But slowly she befriends and soon falls in love with an OC... Rated T for violence
1. Chapter 1

Great. The coil I was holding just snapped. That can only mean one thing: Brutus and Enobaria are chasing both me and Katniss.

I can almost hear Plutarch's voice in my ear, "Remember, at all costs, keep the Girl on Fire alive."

As their footsteps are increasingly getting louder, I smash the metal cylinder into Katniss's head. She cries and falls to the floor, clutching her head.

I unsheathe my knife, and I begin cutting out Katniss's tracker, but she tries fighting I finally pry it out, I smear the blood on her throat. "Stay down!" I hiss at her before showing my face to Brutus.

"There!" He roars while pointing and Enobaria tries running after me. Brutus goes somewhere else, probably to fight Peeta or Chaff.

I run, and I throw Katniss's tracker into the depth of the jungle.

Suddenly, I hear a huge explosion, and a scream. I turn around, only to see the lightning race back up into the sky and strike the force field. The force field slowly turns dark. I hear two cannon booms.

The whole damn arena just blew up. I can't believe it. What was Katniss thinking?!

Sparks are still falling as everything begins to lose power. I see a hovercraft in a distance that picks up a body. I see a flash of dark hair and I think it's Katniss. _She better not be dead. I tried so damn hard to keep her alive! _

For a moment, I keep staring at the sky, when I feel a sharp pain. I gasp, and my hand flies to my waist. Warm blood spills between my fingers.

I turn, and I see Enobaria raising the knife to stab me again.

Quickly, I dodge out of the way and she slashes into the empty air. I grab my axe from my belt and I swing at Enobaria. She moves, and my blade only grazes her right arm. She jumps away from me, and 10 feet separate both of us. We stare at each other, both clutching our wounds. Enobaria bares her unnaturally sharp teeth at me. But she doesn't dare attack.

A hovercraft comes and I think it's for me. The claw reaches for me, and I gladly get on. As it pulls me up, I flash a smug smile at Enobaria.

I grit my teeth as my wound increases bleeding. I'm just glad that the rebellion was able to rescue us. I really want to slap Plutarch and all of his advisors.

But there are no familiar faces on the hovercraft, and the walls are covered with the symbol of Panem.

A chill runs down my back. The people on the hovercraft are not rebels. They are not taking me to District 13. Instead, they are bringing me to the Capitol. _Maybe I can knock out everyone in the hovercraft and take it to 13. _Well, it's worth a shot.

I creep into the room where the pilot is. Slowly, I lift my arm and swing at his head. He falls, but he isn't knocked out. He grabs and pins me to the wall as he yells for help. The last things I see before I fall unconscious are the pilot's murderous eyes and a syringe filled with blue liquid being injected into me.

**Thanks for reading! Please review! I'll be adding the next chapter probably tomorrow.**


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up in a white cell that is empty except for me. I groan as I get up from the hard concrete floor. They didn't even bother to give me a mattress.

Instinctively, my hand flies up to my waist, but I don't feel any wet blood. I look down, and I see stitches embedded in my skin. _At least some Capitol people are decent enough to patch me up. _

My hands curl around the metal bars as I peer out. I can only see some soldiers guarding the hallway. I look in the cell in front of me, and I see Peeta. There's still twigs in his hair and his face is smeared with dirt. He catches my gaze and smiles weakly, "I guess we're still together, Johanna."

My face is cold, but inside I feel frighten. "Where's Katniss and Finnick?" I ask anxiously.

Peeta shakes his head, "I don't know. I only saw Enobaria." Out of all the people in the arena, _she _gets out safely? Damn her.

Our conversation is interrupted when I smell a mixture of roses and blood. President Snow is here. He is being escorted by at least 10 peacekeepers. He walks in between us, blocking us from each other's view.

He turns to Peeta. "Oh my. Did your 'fiance' ditch you?" He asks in an arrogant manner.

Peeta's eyes are filled with rage. He tries to reach out and strangle Snow, but guards stop him.

"So much spirit," Snow murmurs. "It's a shame to waste our victors like this, but alas, rules are rules." He grins maliciously.

He then looks at me. "Well, Ms. Mason. It's a pleasure to see you again."His snake eyes suggest otherwise.

I bite back a swear word.

"So, two pathetic 'rebels' believe that they can really win?" He snorts.

"There are consequences for crossing the Capitol. So you shall pay the price. You are here for only a few reasons: One, no one cares enough about you-"

I snap, and I reach out from the bars and slap him in the face. Hard. He stumbles back a few steps before falling to the ground. A few peacekeepers rush to his aid, while the others point their guns at me.

"Protocol for Ms. Mason. Immediately." Snow spits out as he stands, clutching his red cheek. He glares at me, but then he smiles wickedly.

"I'll see your dead body later." But I refuse to be scared by his threat. President Snow pushes his peacekeepers out of the way and walks toward the exit. All of his guards obediently follow him.

"You shouldn't have done that," Peeta tells me.

"I don't care. We both accepted death the moment we entered the arena. Why does it matter now?" Peeta doesn't bother to reply back.

* * *

I feel something wet and cold dripping down my back. The water increases, until I'm completely soaked. I look up, and I see water dripping from a nozzle attached to the ceiling. The fabric of my shirt clings to my skin as I think, _Why are they going to do with me? _But I smirk, thinking that this is a pathetic attempt to kill me.

My smile fades when I see Snow and 2 peacekeepers approach my cell. Across from me, Peeta grips his cell bars and looks at me frighteningly.

"Johanna," he mouths at me. I can't see what else he wants to say because the three figures stop right in front of me. But I refuse to be intimidated by them. I stare defiantly at them.

"Well, Ms. Mason," Snow snarls. "Do you want me to show you what we do to our prisoners?"

I shake my head, refusing. A nasty smirk appears on his face. Suddenly, he leans over and hisses, "What is Heavensbee planning to do next?"

I smile, "Not telling."

Snow leans back calmly and says, "We'll see."

He nods at the peacekeepers and they step forward. Simultaneously, they point black metal boxes at me. _What are those? _I wonder for a moment before electrical beams shoot out from them. I feel voltage buzzing up my body. I scream in agony as my skin burns. I can smell the acrid scent of burnt hair and flesh, and I begin to choke.

"Stop," I whimper. "Please." But Snow pretends not to listen. The electricity still buzzes and attacks my body.

"She said stop, you bastards!" Peeta yells.

The buzzing suddenly stops, and I let out a sigh of relief. But fear still overtakes me as I see Snow glaring at Peeta.

"Do you want to share Mason's pain? Well, I can assure you that your punishment will be far worse than her's." He leaves, with a smug smile and victory in his eyes.

I lie on the cold floor, my body still trembling from the shock.

"Johanna, you okay?" Peeta whispers. I see deep concern in his eyes.

"Yeah," I lie. Slowly, I reach back and I touch my hair. It crumples in my hand, after being burned. I pull my hand back, still holding my burnt hair as I feel the burns on my skin aching.

I refuse to move from the ground, and I stare at my twitching fingers as I worry about what Snow has in store for Peeta.

**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I decided to post this chapter today because I couldn't wait. Hope you all enjoy it! I'd also like to thank ColMikeFuser for writing a review! Love to everyone who've taken their time to read my story! **

I wake up when I hear Peeta scream, "What are you doing?!"

I prop myself up quickly with my elbows as I look towards his direction. Peeta is cowering back in his cell, but no one is attacking him.

I look at the floor separating him and me, and I see a girl with red hair kneeling. A red haired man also stands next to her as they both look fearfully at the peacekeeper towering above them.

I don't get what's happening until the peacekeeper raises the small, black metal box. Electricity shoots out, hitting the girl. Instead of screaming like I did when I was electrocuted, she stays still for a moment. The electricity shuts off, and she falls to the floor, limp.

I know she was dead before she even hits the ground. Her blue eyes stare up somewhere far away, as she lays still on the cold floor. The red-haired man standing next to her lets out a guttural sound, and I realize that he has no tongue. He is an Avox. The girl who had just died must have been one too.

The peacekeeper begins to target the other Avox. The electrocution doesn't kill him, though. The Avox begins to make gurgling sounds. The peacekeeper then moves towards the Avox and kicks him in the side repeatedly. He groans in pain.

Then the peacekeeper takes out his gun and fires at the Avox.

"No!" I scream, but I am useless to the Avox.

The bullet hits him in his right arm and blood spurts out. He can't even scream, so instead he makes weird, gag-like sounds. They chill me. Slowly, I walk backwards and press my back against the wall, trying to get away from the man, trying to get away from all of this. The peacekeeper leaves, dragging the dead girl without taking a second glance at the other Avox.

I slide to the floor, and pull my knees into my chest, leaning my head down. I try blocking my ears after a few minutes of the Avox constantly moaning in pain.

* * *

He's still moaning in pain the next morning. I couldn't sleep at all because of him. The peacekeeper is back, and now, he is armed with a knife instead of a gun. The peacekeeper grips the Avox's arm and slowly begins chopping off his fingers, one by one. He does it to both hands while the Avox cries in pain. The fingers fall into a pool of blood and I shiver. The man begins to make painful noises again as he struggles against the peacekeeper.

I look across at Peeta, and his blue eyes are wide with shock and disgust. He is pale green, and he looks as if he will throw up very soon. I feel the same way.

I cringe as the peacekeeper starts probing the Avox's bullet wound and more blood spills.

The peacekeeper's communicator crackles and then I hear a very familiar voice. President Snow's. "Romulus Thread, I believe that our prisoners had had enough. Execute the Avox."

The peacekeeper stops, then plunges the knife into the chest of the Avox. The Avox's eyes widen and he gives a small gasp. He gurgles as blood flows into his throat. He begins to choke and spit up dark red blood. His bloody and fingerless hands try clawing at his throat.

The Avox keeps choking until his face turns red from the lack of oxygen. His body slowly becomes limp and his eyes are piercing even in death. The peacekeeper, Thread, was smirking the whole time.

Thread begins to drag the body away, leaving the pool of blood and the Avox's fingers. I feel really sick, and I vomit bile in the corner of my cell. Peeta does the same.

"I did it," Peeta whispers after a long moment of silence. "If I didn't scream at them, none of this would have happened. It's my fault."

"Peeta, don't blame yourself. If you hadn't screamed at them, I would have been dead." Peeta nods hesitantly, but guilt is still in his eyes.

"I knew all of them," Peeta whispers again. "The Avoxs were from District 12. Lavinia and Darius. And the peacekeeper, I knew him too. He whipped Gale and tried to kill Katniss." Peeta doesn't speak again. He crawls to the corner of his cell and stays there, his head in his hands.

I didn't get why they would kill two innocent Avoxs in front of us until it hits me. This was Peeta's punishment. It was not physical, but mental. Peeta believes that this is all his fault. And guilt is one of the worst feelings to keep.

**There will be one more chapter after this!**


	4. Chapter 4

We've been here for about two weeks now. No one has bothered to clean up the blood and fingers. It's a dried and sticky mess, with rotten fingers half-eaten by insects. My stomach churns every time I see it.

I have no idea what they are doing to Peeta. Sometimes, they take him away from his cell and when he returns, he is bruised and bloody. Other times, he doesn't return until the next day.

Peeta doesn't talk to me anymore; he is in a world of his own. He usually stares at the floor for hours. I've grown to feel very protective of him, as if Peeta was my brother. He returned to his cell, sporting a black eye. How _dare _they hurt Peeta? He begins his routine of staring at the floor again.

Today, I just feel extremely angry and frustrated so I scream out, "Snow is a bitch!"

This time, no one ignores me. Peeta snaps up from his blank gaze and gives me a horrified look. A few peacekeepers rush from their posts. I guess insulting the president is intolerable.

They open my cell door and pull their whips from their belts. They start beating me and I hear the sickening crack as the whip meets my skin. I cover my head with my hands as I wince at every time the whips smack against me. I can feel warm blood oozing and bruises beginning to form. When they finally stop, I lie on a small pool of blood.

_Stupid, _I tell myself. Part of me is angry at myself while the other half is extremely pleased to have pissed off Snow.

But as soon as the peacekeepers are out of sight, I begin to sob.

I hear Peeta still whispering to me, "It's going to be all right, Johanna."

"I want to go home," I say plainly.

But there is no place called home. All these years, I've been deluding myself that District 7 was my home. But now, it isn't. The Capitol killed everyone- my family, and all of my friends. I have no one. A home is not home if there is no one else but yourself. And I lost my home the moment I won my first Games.

For the first time, I let everything out. I cry about the deaths of everyone I've known. I cry about every tribute I've killed. I cry about how I am a murderer. I cry about being captured. I never cried about any of this before. I've always kept it to myself.

Peeta patiently waits for me to calm down, and I suddenly realize that he is my friend. His blue eyes watch over me, as he murmurs more comforting words. I smile through my tears, knowing that he cares about me. Soon, my eyes slowly close and for the first time, I sleep peacefully.

* * *

My cell door creaks up as the metal bars move from the doorway and my eyes fly open. _Is it another peacekeeper? _

A boy stands in the doorway, and I frown. What is he doing here? I don't recognize him, but he seems a little familiar. The boy looks around eighteen and he is _very _handsome. One of his shoulders is bloody, and I think that he was probably shot.

"Who are you?" I croak.

The boy smiles, reaching down to take both of my hands. "My name is Gale Hawthorne, and I'm here to rescue you."

**Please comment/review on my writing! **


	5. Chapter 5

**I wasn't really planning to write more but now I decided to retell Mockingjay through Johanna's perspective. (Most of it will be made up since Johanna stayed behind in District 13.) **

They took us to a hovercraft that is apparently invisible and can hide from radar. Gale puts one hand on my waist as I begin to shakily climb the ladder. My sore muscles and gashes stabs sharp prickles into my skin every time I move my limbs.

I'm drenched in sweat and tears of pain prickle in my eyes when I finally manage to get up into the hovercraft.

Gale sits next to me as I cautiously scan the interior of the craft. More people begin to climb up the ladder, and I sigh in relief when I see Peeta. But Peeta seems very distraught and his eyes are wild. _What's wrong with him? _He doesn't look like his usual self.

A dark-haired girl climbs the craft and I recognize her as Annie Cresta. I feel a jolt of surprise. _She was here too?_

Annie covers her ears as if to block out any noise. But that's pretty normal of her. In her Games, the male tribute from District 4 was her own little brother. She tried so hard to protect him, but he was beheaded by another tribute.

I guess no one can stay sane after you experience something like. No one is sane after they get out of that arena. Not even me.

Annie sits next to me, but Peeta sits in the corner farthest away from everyone. He curls up against his seat and stares out of the window. I am slightly pleased when Enobaria doesn't show up. I overheard some rebels talking that she was somewhere in District 2.

The hovercraft's engine starts rumbling and vibrating as we fly through the sky. The pilot says we'll be in District 13 in a few hours. Finally. I get to do _something _for the rebellion.

Gale tries making small talk with everyone, except Peeta. His eyes flicker at Peeta with jealousy. _What is he jealous of?_

Then it hits me. He's jealous because Katniss kissed Peeta in the arena. I can finally recognize him as one of the people that were interviewed during Katniss's Games. But isn't he her cousin?

_Probably not, _I tell myself.

"I'm Johanna," I tell Gale, trying to get his cold glare away from Peeta.

"I know," he says. He returns glaring back at Peeta.

I try making more small talk with him so I ask,"How's your family?"

His eyes turn to me, devoid of warmth. "They're fine," he says bitterly. "But most of District 12 isn't."

I frown. "What happened?" I ask, oblivious to any news that occurred during my imprisonment.

"It was burned to the ground. They sent firebombs." His dark eyes turn cold.

I fall silent for the rest of the ride. I take occasional glances at Annie. She's still covering her ears. Sometimes, I don't get why Finnick loves her so much. I've always imagined Finnick marrying someone from the Capitol.

I'm still staring at Annie when I hear a soft, "Tick. Tock." in my head.

It almost hits me like an actual punch in the gut. Wiress, always murmuring that until I was absolutely convinced that she was mad. Wiress's name begins to trigger so many horrid memories of the Quarter Quell. Running through warm blood rain as it choked everyone. Me screaming as Blight, my mentor, hit the forcefield and died in mid air. Gloss slitting poor Wiress's throat. Me burying my axe into Cashmere's chest as vicious pleasure coursed through my body.

I grab my head, pleading it to stop the memories as I see flashes of my first Games. I slide from my seat and drop to the floor. Gale jumps out of his seat and kneels over me, worried. "Johanna, what's wrong?" He asked, frightened.

"Make it stop," I murmur and a woman in a doctor coat rushes over. She injects a syringe filled with clear liquid and I instantly feel drowsy. Gale's brown eyes look at me. Slowly, everything begins to turn black and I fall into darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

I wake up, surrounded by many doctors, who are looking at me and scribbling down notes. "She's awake!" One of the nurses yell.

I get ready to prop myself up, but one of the doctors says, "You are not allowed to move until your wounds are nearly healed. Otherwise, they may not heal properly and burst open anytime." I grit my teeth, frustrated, as I sink back down into my cot.

But I sigh in relief when they connect a supply of morphling to my arm. It floods me with this numbing feeling, and I soon feel my eyes become heavier until they finally close.

When I wake up again, I feel terribly sore, but all of my cuts are now scars. I nod appreciatively at the high tech District 13 has. When none of the doctors are looking, I decide to climb out of bed and look around. My legs ache from the lack of running, and for the first time, I feel free.

I'm still enjoying the fact that I can run when I bump into a strong, well-built man. Finnick. His blue eyes sparkle as he says, "Hey Johanna! You're finally awake!" He wraps his muscular arms around me. I hug him back.

"Where's Peeta?" I ask, hoping to drop by his room to say hello.

Finnick's smile fades. "He's still in rehabilitation."

My heart sinks a little, "So was he really hurt?"

"The Capitol hijacked him. He thinks that we're the enemy. He even tried to choke Katniss to death." My eyes widen.

This isn't the Peeta I know. The Peeta I know is the one that comforted me and stayed by Katniss's side.

Finnick sees my disappointed face and points to a hallway. "He's in a room over there." He tells me before he hugs me one last time and walks away. I rush over to the room.

Peeta's room is locked, but there is a huge glass window I can peer through. I hear muffled noises, so I press my ear against the wall, hoping I can make out what they are saying.

"She's a mutt! Don't trust her!" Peeta screams before his eyes fall on me. He points at me, and returns to screaming. "She's the reason the peacekeepers tried to kill Johanna. Ask Johanna yourself! She knows Katniss is mutt!" I quickly back away as a doctor looks over his shoulder. The look in his eyes clearly say, _Go away. _

I decide to wander around District 13 since I wasn't assigned to a home yet. I jab my finger on a random elevator button. It takes me to the ground floor.

Slowly, I creep around, looking for something interesting to keep my mind off of Peeta's condition. I hear a squeak of a wheelchair, and a low voice, "Johanna, you are not allowed to be down here." I spin around. A familiar man sits in it.

"Beetee!" I exclaim and rush forward to hug him. I can't believe that I was ready to kill him in the arena. I've lost my habit of calling him Volts, because it just brings up my memories of Wiress.

Beetee chuckles a little. "Well, now that you're here, I want to show you something." He wheels away and I follow him.

He goes into a dark room filled with wooden desks and objects on top of it. "This is for you," he says while gingerly lifts one object up and placing it into my hands. It's an axe, except made with fancier materials. A few buttons are protruding the handle.

I smile widely, and it is a genuine smile, instead of the fake one I used for the Capitol. "Thank you," I whisper. "But can I keep it here until I get my room?" Beetee nods and begins to leave me out of the room.

Before exiting, I notice a dark metal sphere on the table, with wires sticking out of it. "What's that?" I ask him curiously.

Without looking at me, Beetee explains, "That is a prototype of the bomb we will use on the Capitol. It was Gale's idea. You see, after one bomb explodes, it is people's natures to go help the wounded. When they go help, we'll detonate another bomb, resulting a greater amount of casualties."

I frown at the concept. "So you'll kill people who want to help?"

"Yes, assuming that they are Capitol citizens." Beetee replies.

"But what if they aren't? What if you just kill people on our side?"

Beetee looks at me coldly, "Then that's too bad for them. Anyone who attempts to aid the Capitol citizens must be punished." My mouth drops open and I stand there, shocked at his response. Beetee sighs a little and leads me out of the room.

When I'm finally outside, his words are still echoing in my head. _Then that's too bad for them. _How could Beetee be so cold? Does he hate the Capitol so much that he is willing to kill the rebels along with them?

A chill runs down my back as I walk past the hospital unit, looking at all of the doctors and nurses there. In a month, a handful of them might be dead from Beetee's bomb. Or maybe we'll all be dead if everything goes wrong.

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	7. Chapter 7

They moved Katniss into the same hospital room as me after she was shot on T.V. in District 2. Of course, she wasn't hurt because of her Mockingjay costume.

This was probably the third time I've seen her with actual emotion. The first was her victory tour at District 11, and the second was the kiss she and Peeta shared at the beach during the Quarter Quell.

I didn't mind her being there since she was unconscious and that there was a white curtain that separated us from view. But after a few days, my doctor began to take my morphling away. He said that I didn't need it, but I think he was just afraid of me becoming more addicted to it. Now, they keep sending a doctor in to talk about my feelings. He is so annoying! Why can't everyone just leave me alone?

I hear a moan coming from Katniss's side of the room. Slowly, I slide out of bed, barefoot, and yank the curtain between us to the side.

Katniss's eyes show surprise, as if she didn't know I was sharing the same room as her. I also catch a glimpse of fear in her eyes, but it quickly passes. "I'm alive," she tells me, her voice weak.

I can't resist rolling my eyes at that. Sarcastically, I say, "No kidding, brainless."

I walk closer to her and plop myself on her bed as she studies me carefully. I grin and ask, "Still a little sore?" before reaching towards her morphling drip.

I plunge it into my own arm. She raises her eyebrows with question. "They started cutting back my supply a few days ago. Afraid I'm going to turn one of the freaks from Six. I've had to borrow from you when the coast was clear. Didn't think you'd mind." I explain to her.

Katniss lets out a little sigh. I sigh too as morphling begins to enter my bloodstream. "Maybe they were onto something in Six. Drug yourself out and paint flowers on your body. Not such a bad life. Seemed happier than the rest of us, anyway." I say.

We begin to talk more about my idiot doctor and the rebellion until Gale comes in.

I unhook the morphling from my arm and reattach it back to Katniss. I smirk a little at Katniss, saying, "Your cousin's not afraid of me," as I nudge Gale with my hip. "Are you, gorgeous?" I laugh as I exit the room. Slowly, I feel my old self coming back together.

On my way back, I bump into Finnick. He immediately throws his arms around me, his eyes shining with unbelievable happiness. "I'm going to marry Annie!" He whispers excitedly in my ear.

I pull back from the hug and smile widely at Finnick. "Congratulations! When's the wedding?"

"In a few days," he replies. I grin and congratulate him again before walking back to the hospital.

* * *

The wedding is amazing, although it is nothing like parties in the Capitol. A few decorations are hanged up on the walls and a lone fiddler plays wedding songs. I clap with everyone else as Finnick and Annie kiss for the first time as a married couple. It's nice to know that Finnick will have someone who makes him so happy for the rest of his life.

The fiddler changes tunes into a cheerful song. Everyone begins to dance until only a handful of us aren't. Katniss is one of them.

I march over to her and hiss, "Are you going to miss the chance to let Snow see you dancing?" Katniss bursts into an unexpected grin as she rushes over to her sister.

Her sister's name is Primrose, and she is so adorable and innocent. I can tell by the way Katniss dances with her that she loves Prim a lot.

I bite my lip as I think of all of my siblings, dead and buried in the hard ground back in District 7. But I refuse to cry and I force a smile so Finnick and Annie do not see me.

I linger at the party, mostly at the food table as people begin to try starting a conversation with me. But I brush them off as I pick up a cookie from the dessert table. I can automatically tell that Peeta did it, because Katniss once told me he was a baker. The cookie is swirled with beautiful icing colors. I bite and begin to chew as a thought comes to my mind. Maybe life in District 13 isn't so bad. And I pray to any higher being, if there is one, that Peeta may return back to normal and love Katniss again.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm in my hospital room, when the door creaks open. I look up, expecting Katniss, but it is not her. Instead a stranger stands in the doorway. He has cold gray eyes and black hair. Besides his eyes, his face is not striking or memorable. There is a badge on his chest that suggest that he is part of the military.

"So," I begin. "Are you here to recruit me for the army or something?"

The man shakes his head, "No, it's actually the complete opposite. I'm here to restrict you from going."

I narrow my eyes. "How am I not going? I'm one of their best fighters!"

"Because of your condition," he explains matter of factly. "You are considered mentally unstable."

"You-" I bite back an insult before lunging at him, but he takes a quick step back.

"Ms. Mason, the president herself has ordered you to stay back." He pales at my glare.

"Well fuck that!" I scream. "I'm going and no one can stop me!" The man reaches for the door, opening it and then runs out. Despite my anger, an amused smirk is creeping up my face.

I'm still blazing with anger when Katniss enters the room. I have a strong urge to begin ranting, and Katniss lets me. She then tells me that I can train with her and be eligible to become a soldier.

"Fine," I agree. "I'll train. But I'm going to the stinking Capitol if I have to kill a crew and fly there myself."

"Probably best not to bring that up in training," Katniss jokes. "But it's nice to know I'll have a ride." I break into a wide grin.

* * *

The next day, me and Katniss report to the training room at 7:30. We're stuck with beginners, and I feel a little embarrassed that they think I'm in such bad conditions. The trainer tells us to run 5 miles, but Katniss seems to have trouble running even one.

I scream motivational insults at her, trying to make her determined to run, but she drops out after a mile. The trainer sends her to the hospital. I just hope Katniss is okay.

Everyday after training, I always use Katniss's morphling drip to calm the pain. But today, the doctors took her morphling away, and I am left with nothing. I can't sleep anymore, so I just begin to curse at the doctors. After a few hours, I drag a sleeping Katniss out of bed.

"I don't think I can't do it." Katniss moans.

I roll my eyes at that. "You can do it," I encourage her. "We're victors, remember? We're the ones who can survive anything they throw at us."

Katniss reluctantly gets out of bed. We're about to walk outside, when I realize that it's raining very hard. I can almost feel my face draining of color as I stare at the rain. A flashback hits me, and I remember the water pouring on me the moments before soldiers pressed the electrocution button. I begin to freeze.

"It's just water. It won't kill us." Katniss reassures. I glare at her. _Does she even know how it feels to be electrocuted over and over? _Probably not. I grit my teeth and stomp into the rain. The rain can't hurt you, I repeat in my head over and over. Katniss shoots me a confused glance.

For training, the soldier forced us to run 5 miles in the rain and I feel frightened again. The raindrops heavily thud against my body as I run through the mud with everyone else. I feel envy that the trainer let Katniss stop after a mile.

Lunch is even worse. We are served beet and fish stew, and we're forced to eat out in the rain. Every bite makes my stomach churn, until it comes back up.

I feel pale and green as the trainer calls us back in to assemble guns. My hands begin to shake, but Katniss helps me out. I shoot her a grateful smile. I'm lousy with a gun; I am better at using knives and axes. I want to use the ax Beetee made for me, but the soldier said I can't.

As we return to the hospital, I sigh and say, "This has to stop. Us living in the hospital. everyone views us as patients." Katniss nods in agreement.

I am wondering about who to ask to assign me to a compartment, but Katniss offered me to stay in hers. I thank her gratefully.

I look around her room while Katniss is in the showers. I open her drawer, but shuts it quickly when Katniss enters. She raises an eyebrow at me. "Sorry," I apologize.

"It's okay. You can look at my stuff if you want." I smile hesitantly as I open the drawer again. I open her locket, and I see her mother, Prim, and Gale. There's no picture of Peeta, which surprises me. I pull out the spile and the pearl. "Is this-?" I begin to ask.

"Yeah," Katniss interrupts. "Made it through somehow." We begin to talk about Peeta's condition until we have to go to bed.

* * *

A few weeks pass until the trainer tells me to take the exam. I go in before Katniss, and she gives me a nod of encouragement. Hopefully this will be easy. I take a sharp breath and enter the Block.

Peacekeepers are rushing towards me, and I shoot them down. I begin running to my squad when the whole street becomes submerged under water. The huge wave is about to crash over me as I desperately try looking for higher ground.

I can't find any, and I freeze as water falls on top of me. I scream and choke as I try clawing back up. Flashbacks keep coming up, as I see Snow's smiling face, the electricity attacking me. I close my eyes and scream.

Everything disappears and I am in an empty Block. Shaking, I walk out of the door, and a soldier stops me. "I'm sorry, Johanna. You didn't pass the test." My heart sinks and I realize that the soldier who came to my room was right. I am mentally unstable.

I sigh, disappointed, knowing that I will not be part of the rebellion. That I will never be there in Snow's final moments. All I can do is stand and watch.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry if I haven't been updating... I had a huge project this week.**

Katniss and the rest of squad 451 are leaving in a few days, without me. Finnick, Katniss, and Peeta are as close to friends as I got. They're all leaving, and I'm afraid I'll never see any of them again.

After my first Games, everyone I loved was murdered by Snow. After that, I promised myself never to get attached to anyone again. But it didn't work. Katniss, Peeta, and Finnick are like my siblings now, and they always look out for me.

I'm still in the hospital, as doctors come in everyday to check my brain. Often, I wake up screaming from nightmares that viciously attack me whenever my eyes begin to close.

Today, I am already drowsy from the medication a young doctor has given me. He had blond hair and warm brown eyes, and his name is Connor Levine. His voice is so soothing, and he is the only doctor I actually like.

I close my eyes, but I fight to keep them open and away from nightmares. I spend the next 10 minutes slowly nodding off. The next time my eyes open, I see Katniss at the doorway. She's holding something, and she seems to be studying me. Katniss hands me the bundle. "What's that?" I croak weakly.

"I made it for you. Something to put in your drawer. Smell it." Katniss says. I lift it to my nose, and the scent of pine needles fills my nose. I begin to feel nostalgic as I think of the many times I walked through the woods in District 7.

"Smells like home," I tell Katniss as bittersweet tears begin to form and cloud my vision.

"That's what I was hoping. You being from Seven and all. Remember when we met? You were a tree. Well, briefly."

I take another deep breath of the pine needles and my mind wanders from the woods to the faces of my dead family. I see the faces of everyone Snow killed. My eyes fly open and I grab Katniss's wrist. "You have to kill him, Katniss."

"Don't worry," she tries to assure me, but I don't believe her.

"Swear it. On something you care about," I hiss.

"I swear it. On my life." My grip tightens but I want to laugh. Katniss doesn't seem like she cares about her own survival as much as she cares about other people's lives.

"On your family's life," I insist and Katniss repeats it.

"Why do you think I'm going, anyways, brainless?" She says, and I smirk slightly at her pathetic attempt of an insult.

"I just needed to hear it," I whisper as I press the pine needles to my nose again.

* * *

One week later

Connor holds my hand in his as he guides me to Katniss's compartment. Katniss and her squad has already left this morning, so I have the room all to myself. Although I am relieved of leaving the hospital, I also feel scared about being left alone.

"You know, I didn't really need to be escorted," I tell Connor. "I could have found it myself."

He smiles a little, and he says, "Anyone this beautiful needs an escort."

I blush a little, and I hope the room is dark enough to conceal it. I force my blush off and try to acted sarcastic by rolling my eyes at his comment.

"Well, I have to get going. Hospital duties," Connor says. I watch him leave, fighting the urge to ask him to stay with me.

The compartment is empty of people, besides me and Prim. Prim's too young to work full time in the hospital, so she stays here most of the time.

Prim walks in the room. "Hi, Johanna." She says shyly.

I wave back at her. God, she is so adorable, so sweet and innocent.

"Can I watch the propos with you?" She asks.

"Are you sure you want to? There's going to be… stuff that...might scare you." I stutter.

I don't want Prim to see dead bloody bodies until I realize she watched her own sister fight and other tributes killing each other. I guess she can handle it…

"I need to see if Katniss is okay," Prim says firmly.

I sigh softly before turning on the T.V.

There's one scene where squad 451 is running, shooting down pods.I manage to catch a glimpse of Katniss and Gale. Even though it seems so real, I know it's fake due to the ridiculous acting of some of the crew members. Hopefully it's more convincing to the Capitol audience. Prim watches, her eyes glued to her sister.

Suddenly, the screen changes into a Capitol broadcast. The squad is trying to regroup as black gel shoots on the streets. Then I see Gale desperately shooting at cables that hold a man aloft. They all run into a building, but Peacekeeper throw shells at the building, and it explodes. Flames engulf the rubble and a reporter stands in front of the camera. She pronounces squad 451 to be dead.

My mouth is still hanging open as I see the deaths of my friends on live television. Prim sinks to the floor, tears in her eyes. "Katniss," she cries.

Tears swim in my vision, and I let them fall. Prim hugs me tightly, and I hug her back as we both stare at the fire.

President Snow comes on the screen, congratulating the Peacekeepers for murdering my friends. I feel rage as I stare at his face. He begins to insult Katniss, declaring she was just a weak girl, and that the rebellion will soon die out. Prim begins to sob even more, so I reach for the remote to shut off the T.V.

Before I do, a different face pops up. Coin's. She begins to say an eulogy for Katniss, and I feel a lump growing in my throat.

"Dead or alive, Katniss Everdeen will remain the face of this rebellion. If you ever waver in your resolve, think of the Mockingjay, and in her you will find the strength you need to rid Panem of its oppressors." Coin says off screen as a beautiful picture of Katniss fills the screen.

Snow returns, his face flushed from the fact that Beetee breached the emergency channel. "Tomorrow morning, when we pull Katniss Everdeen's body from the ashes we will see exactly who the Mockingjay is. A dead girl who could save no one, not even herself." Snow declares and the Capitol anthem plays triumphantly.

I jab the button and the T.V. flickers black.

Prim and I hug each other tightly, comforting each other as we think of Katniss, Gale, Finnick, and Peeta. All dead after fighting a rebellion. I dread watching the T.V. tomorrow, when I see my friends' dead bodies being pulled from the rubble.


	10. Chapter 10

Peacekeepers dig the ashes as they search for bodies. They pull up one, a man whose legs were blown off. I recognize him as the leader of the squad. I cringe at the sight of blood. Mrs. Everdeen and I have both forbidden Prim to watch anymore updates on the rebellion. Especially the one about Katniss's death.

Connor has been by my side for hours, as we both watch Peacekeepers dead. "Johanna," he whispers after a long stretch of silence. "I'm sure they're alright."

"They're dead," I say, my voice thick with tears.

"You think they would die without trying to escape? Look, it's been hours and they've only found one body. They must have escaped, considering the fact that there were no bodies."

"There's also a big chance that they're dead. And I'll have no one left after this war." I say bitterly.

Connor's face softens and he smiles sadly. "You'll still have me." He says before leaning in. He kisses me softly and I freeze for a moment before kissing back.

"I'll be there for you. Always." Connors says before getting up and leaving the room. My lips are still tingling even after hours since the kiss.

* * *

There are no more updates shown on public television, so I decided to go to Beetee and ask if he can hack any cameras. He reluctantly agrees.

There's a tunnel, and..._Katniss_ running with the rest of her squad. I sigh a breath of relief, until I see lizard mutts chasing after them. They clamp their mouth over a few Peacekeeper's heads before going after the squad. It's too dim to see, but I can make out three mutts attacking a man with blond hair. Finnick.

He struggles until a lizard clamps it mouth over his head and rips it away. A headless Finnick falls to the ground, motionless. I scream, even though I am only watching a recording. Why did Finnick have to die?! He was married! He was going to be a father! Tears form as I think, _What am I going to tell Annie? _

The camera screen begins to crack, when an explosion goes off. The screen is quickly filled with gray smoke, curling in wisps until the camera's connection is destroyed. I stare at the now black empty screen. I can only see my reflection, nothing more.

Beetee begins to lead me out of the room, as I keep sobbing. Finnick...always joking, always making everyone laugh...is gone. Through my blurry tears, I see silver parachutes attached to bombs, lying there on Beetee's desk. But I don't feel like asking-I'm too busy falling apart.

* * *

When I get back to my room, Prim isn't there, which is very strange. _Where is she?! _I look around until I find her in a different room, stroking her cat behind his ears. The cat purrs and I honestly think it is the ugliest cat ever. Prim is wearing a doctor uniform, but I am very confused because she isn't old enough to work in the hospital.

When Prim sees me she grins and exclaims, "Katniss isn't dead!" She gently lifts the cat off her lap and stands up.

"Yeah, I know," I say as I wrap my arms around her. I'm getting so attached to Prim. "What's with the new clothes?" I ask her.

She smiles proudly, "One of the doctors said that Coin herself wanted me to be in the medic team. She wants me to fly in and help people in front of Snow's mansion."

"Congratulations on the promotion." I tell her, but I'm secretly worried about her. Why would Coin want Prim in the front lines? This is making no sense. Why would Coin want to risk Prim's life?

Prim hugs me one last time and says, "I have to go catch the hovercraft. See you later Johanna!"

"Be safe," I whisper but Prim is already skipping out of the room.

**Please review or comment! PM me if you have any ideas/suggestions about how this fanfic should end! I'm probably going to upload the next chapter a week later because I have finals.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

Prim is dead. She was helping wounded Capitol children after the bomb exploded. And that's when the second bomb exploded. It was the silver parachute ones I saw on Beetee's desk. I put it all together too late.

I am breaking- I lost two of my closest friends to Snow. My fists curl tightly and as my nails stab my palms.

_Prim. Sweet, innocent Prim. I can still see her eyes filled with pride as she told me Coin herself promoted her. _I _need_ to see Prim's soft smile, to hear Finnick's musical laugh one more time.

I can't live like this. The death list of my family and friends are too long. Mom. Dad. My three brothers. My sister. Marge. Tommy. Finnick. Prim. How can I live when I see their faces every night? The tributes I have killed haunt me endlessly, as I wake from one nightmare to another.

Who do I have left? Just Katniss, Peeta, and Connor. But I know they can move on without me.

Quietly, I take one of Katniss's hunting knives from her drawer. No one is here in the compartment; both Katniss and her mother is at the hospital. I sit by the window across from the doorway as I twirl the sharp knife in my hands. The point of the knife lures me in a trance, whispering_, "You can be with them. All of them, forever." _

Tears begin to spill silently as I think of all I have done. What did I really do? I have been nothing but the Capitol's puppet. Being a victor of the Games is not winning it, but giving up who you are to survive in an empty shell. I remember slitting throats of many people younger than me, desperately trying to reach my family. Every person I killed meant one step closer to home. That's the twisted thought the Capitol implanted in us all. And I regret for bowing down to them.

I don't deserve to live. I am a monster. I rest the tip of the knife at my wrist. _Can I really kill myself? _I ask. _Yes, _the voice in my head whispers.

The knife digs deeper, and a drop of blood trickles down my arm. "Johanna! What the hell are you doing?!" I hear a familiar voice shout, and my heart sinks. Connor rushes towards me, snatching the knife from my hands and tossing it across the room.

"No," I say weakly as I try reaching towards the direction of the knife. _I need to die. I can't live being me. _

Connor grabs both of my shoulders, staring straight into my eyes, frantically searching for something. "Why are you doing this?" He asks in a hushed whisper.

"I can't live like this! Seeing people I killed dead in my nightmares. Watching my family and friends die over and over. I lost it. I lost the game against life."

"Johanna, you're not a monster. You killed people to live, for your freedom. None of us can help it if the Capitol controls us. This is why we're fighting now, why you're fighting." Connor's grip becomes firmer. "You need to live for the people that love you. You'll be alright, okay?"

"Okay," I whisper.

Connor kisses my forehead. "I'll wipe the blood off." He leaves to grab a piece of cloth and bandages. I feel the care in his fingers as he gently places the bandage to my wrist. He notices me watching him, and he stares back, smiling.

I fell for his deep brown eyes, the way they studied me and the way they crinkled when he smiled. He was right,and I was wrong. There is still something to live for- for a better future filled with shining hope.


	12. Chapter 12

Today they gathered all of the victors in District 13. There were only a few of us present. Only seven of us still survive, and guess who one of them is. Yup, Enobaria herself.

Enobaria flashes a smug smirk at me, and my anger flares. "Don't look so smug," I snap. "We'll kill you anyway." The scar at my waist where Enobaria stabbed me during the Games throbs at the sight of her.

I scan everyone who sits around the table. Both Peeta and Katniss have burn marks streaking across their skin. Beetee looks calm, and Enobaria looks like...Enobaria. She seems unharmed and well-fed. The Capitol must have given her special treatment because she was from District 2.

Coin enters the room in a regal fashion. She drops her stuff on the table gracefully before sweeping her gaze on us.

"I've asked you here to settle a debate," she announces. "Today we will execute Snow. In the previous weeks, hundreds of his accomplices in the oppression of Panem have been tried and now await their own deaths. However, the suffering in the districts has been so extreme that these measures appear insufficient to the victims. In fact, many are calling for a complete annihilation of those who held Capitol citizenship. However, in the interest of maintaining a sustainable population, we cannot afford to do this." Coin looks at every one of us with her metallic eyes before continuing.

"So, an alternative has been placed on the table. Since my colleagues and I can come to no consensus it has been agreed that we will let the victors decide. A majority of four will approve the plan. No one may abstain from the vote. What has been proposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children that directly relate to those who held the most power."

"What?" I say, my mouth dropping from shock.

"We hold another Hunger Games using Capitol children." Coin says, her eyebrows raising at my reaction.

"Are you joking?" Peeta demands. His blue eyes hold a deep fear and disgust.

"No. I should also tell you that if we hold the Games, it will be known it was done with your approval, although the individual breakdown of your votes will be kept secret for your own security." Coin tells us.

"Was it Plutarch's idea?" Haymitch asks, his eyes filled with suspicion.

"It was mine. It seemed to balance the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes." Coin says. _It seems fair, _the voice in my head tells me. _The Capitol killed 23 district children during every Game for 75 years. It makes sense to have them suffer…_

"No!" Peeta shouts. "I vote no, of course! We can't have another Hunger Games!" I want to scream at Peeta. Even after the Capitol hijacked his mind and placed him in two Games, he still wants to protect them.

"Why not?" I retort. "It seems very fair to me. Snow even has a granddaughter. I vote yes." Peeta gives me a look of betrayal, and I brush it off.

"So do I. Let them have a taste of their own medicine," says Enobaria.

"This is why we rebelled! Remember?" Peeta shouts desperately. "Annie?" He asks, hopeful that she would agree with him.

"I vote no with Peeta," says Annie. "So would Finnick if he were here."

"But he isn't, because Snow's mutts killed him," I remind her bitterly.

Beetee votes no, but both Katniss and Haymitch vote yes. I would love to pump my fist in the air to show triumph. Katniss handed Coin a rose, telling her something I can't hear. Coin nods, taking the rose.

Only a few minutes until Snow's execution. I am granted a front seat; this is something I don't want to miss. Everyone takes their places: Snow is tied to a post, and Coin stands in a balcony, a cold smile curling on her lips.

Katniss enters, and I cheer with everyone around me. Today, the man in my nightmares will die. I will never be haunted again.

Katniss positions an arrow on her bow, aiming at Snow. I hold my breath as she pulls it back. Everyone waits for her to release the arrow at Snow. But she doesn't.

Katniss suddenly aims upward...and shoots at Coin. The arrow buries into Coin's chest and she falls from the balcony. Her body makes a sickening noise as it makes contact with the hard floor. Coin is dead.

The whole crowd is going mad. Everyone tries to reach towards Katniss, their eyes filled with murder. Why didn't she kill Snow?!

I look over at Snow, and there is blood spilling past his lips. His eyes stare somewhere far away, and I realize that he is dead. Two presidents dead in one day. Soldiers are pulling Katniss away as the crowd screams. The crowd rushes past me, but I still stand in my spot. _What are we going to do now? _I ask myself helplessly as everything falls into pandemonium.

**One more chapter!** **Please review!**


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**20 years later**

"Momma, come on!" my five year old daughter tugs on my hand eagerly, pulling me towards the flower patches near to the seashore. I follow her, where she begins to pick daylilies and lavender. Her blond hair whips wildly in the ocean breeze.

I smile; she is my whole world. I love her so much. She has my wide brown eyes, but Connor's dimpled smile. I feel two warm, strong hands on my shoulders and I turn. Connor smiles at me lovingly, and I smile back. He chuckles as he watches Primrose, our daughter, create a wreath of flowers.

So much has changed in a few years. Actually, more like a few months after Katniss shot Coin. Paylor was elected as president, and the Games were abolished. Katniss and Peeta moved back to District Twelve, and she only visited a few times so I could meet her two children, Willow and Rye.

Mrs. Everdeen moved to District 4 to start a hospital, where Connor now works at. I didn't want to go back to District 7; the memories are just too painful. But I have learned to move on, with Connor and Primrose.

Annie lives next door to us, with Finnick Jr. Finnick's son has grown to become a handsome young man, like his father. They both have sea green eyes, blond hair, and an obsession for sugar cubes. Finnick Jr loves fishing with Connor, which they do every Saturday.

During the chaos and the end of the war, I was lost. I didn't have anywhere to go, or a reason to stay in District 13. I wanted to leave and stay at the same time. Connor convinced me to live with him in District 4, and I gladly agreed.

Even through my darkest days, Connor had been there for me. He was always by my side whenever I woke up screaming from a nightmare or had a flashback of the Games. I still remember the hopeful look in his eyes when he kneeled in front of me, begging me to marry him. I never thought that I'd fall in love; not after becoming a vicious murderer. But Connor loved me in a way no one else had, and he gave me a second chance. He opened my heart.

It still hurts whenever I think of Prim, remembering her laugh and beautiful smile. But when I held my newborn daughter in my arms for the first time, I saw Prim. I saw a little duckling, so curious and adorable. Something I had to protect with my life. And so I named my daughter after Prim. Connor chose her middle name, and I whispered it to myself over and over before I slept. _Primrose Maria Levine. Primrose Maria Levine._

Prim toddles back to me, wearing a wreath of lilies as she carries a bundle of flowers. She holds them out to me, and I take it gratefully. I lean over and kiss my daughter's forehead. "Thank you, Prim," I say.

"Come here, little duck." Connor says as he lifts Prim. She squeals with delight. I grin as Connor runs back to our house, Prim's joyful cheer piercing the air. I smile at the sight, before turning back to the ocean. I press the three middle fingers of my left hand against my lips and I hold it out to the direction of the ocean. A sign of admiration, a sign of respect and thanks. To Prim. To Finnick. To all those I have lost, and to those who are still by my side. I lower my arm, and I gaze deeply into the horizon as the sun rises, a start to a new day.

**Thank you so much for reading my story! Please review! I plan on writing more stories in the future! **


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